Being a Hero

After reading a lot of panicked news about the decline of our culture and wide-spread corruption, it feels like all one can do is stand by and watch. But we don't want to watch idly by. We want to DO, to ACT on something. And that got me thinking about Captain America...more accurately Steve Rogers.

I'm only familiar with the recent movie so that is what I'll be referencing. One of the reasons this was one of my favorite movies is Steve's single-minded devotion. It was not enough to sit and watch along the sides or support the war efforts indirectly. He wanted to act, to participate, to DO something. However, he could not participate in the normal way.

So many times, an issue will crop up that makes me feel like I want nothing more than to take up arms and march against the injustice. However, in our world there won't be just one thing, it'll be 20,000. I want to give myself to all these issues. I want to right all these injustices. But I'm not Captain America, I'm Steve Rogers, blocked at every point of entry.

I've often reminded myself that there should be one main passion in my life and that is what my energy should be spent doing. It's just so hard to choose, especially with all the noise that surrounds us. Protest this! Petition against that! March with us! Write to your representatives! Fight the injustice! It's nearly impossible to think with all the shouts for attention.

At the same time, the Church calls us to uphold Social Justice. The question is how do you answer the call?

This is when I look to St. Terese of Lisieux's story. There is the physical world where we see a lot of injustice, evil, and destruction. There is also the unseen side of things where battle rages on. The Little Way to Christ is still a way. That is the most important thing.

Stewardship is what it's known as in the Church. Our Time, Talent and Treasure are what we can give. I'm sure it has come up in a homily or two in your parish. It usually aligns with the ministry fairs where every ministry is recruiting for new members.

This past weekend, I went to my parish's ministry fair. I officially joined the parish a few months ago although I've been attending masses there for a year. (It's close to my work and after night shift, I could catch the 7:30 a.m. mass on my way home.) It's been one of my "recovery steps" to get involved with a parish community again. AND luckily this parish has a ministry for those that struggle with life's difficulties.

I don't want to bite off more than I can chew because I have a lot of hobbies I love to neglect. For now, I've signed up to join the choir, I've been part of the Prayer Warrior team (seriously an easy ministry. They email intentions and you pray for them. I love it. It also give me a good picture of how folks in the parish are doing in life. Looks like it's not all a walk in the park.). I also want to join the sewing ministry that makes prayer blankets. Because it fits with my hobby of sewing!

For starters, Church ministries are a great place to start on your walk to hero-dom. (Which may lead to martyrdom.)

In anycase, Thank Jesus for everything. He likes to work through us to help the least of his people.
(Which is why I help kitties get adopted at the pet store on Mondays. <3 I know kitties aren't people! That's more of a make me happy volunteering. Although I still have to take time out to do it.)

Holy Week 2016!!

We are nearing the end of Lent. I'm looking forward to ruining my diet again. LOL.
Seriously, it's been a good season of fasting. Not perfect but good.

So let me break down and get a little more personal than I usually do on blog. Because internet...there is no such thing as privacy.

This year has been a year of great blessings for me. I have a job and just got a promotion in the company. No longer do I work the awesome night shift, but once again return to the world of 9 -5 and two day weekends. Still poor but making it work.

This holy week I'll be blessed to see my parents physically for the first time in about 3 or 4 years. I may be 31, but I still need my mommy and daddy. I also get the pleasure of meeting my nephew for the first time before he turns 1. Still a baby and not a terrible toddler. :B For this little bumpkin, I learned how to sew stuffed animals...and then I became enthralled with the activity and started sewing for all my friends with children. (Even today Palm Sunday I'm going to a birthday party for a friend's child. I made a stuffed kitten. )

We also just had the feast of St. Joseph, one of the many Saints I should ask for more prayers. Seriously, I've been slacking on that front. I always had a group that I recited to before evening prayers.

Kind of been going through a weird patch of spiritual dryness that Lent didn't ease very much.
Still having trouble finishing books. Because when I'm home I'd rather be gaming or sewing. (Or sleeping after work wears me out.)

I'm also in a semi-emotional place where I'm in the singles rut but don't feel called to religious life. And this week I'm going to be with my baby nephew, married brother, and married friends. (I hope I don't 3rd wheel things.) I blame hormones a bit for this one.

I'm also considering starting a Catholic Gamer group for meet ups because I'm not going to meet like minded peeps on my own here. Also need to branch out beyond my clique here in Texas. It's be cool to have a convention group or something. :B

Wishing you all a Happy Holy Week and blessed Easter Season.

Dragon Age Inquisition Part 3

Okay I did make it through some more of the story. A couple of themes came up:

Religion and Faith ( a big theme)
Homosexuality (another theme throughout the games)

So spoilers a bit here, at one point you meet with an openly gay mage as a companion. In a side-quest you can trick him into meeting with his father whom he was estranged from for years. It mirrored a lot of common modern reactions to a child coming out. It was very humanizing and illustrated the struggle of parent trying to reconcile with an older child. Also both being stubborn about things. It definitely was better handled than in Dragon Age II. Clearly this was planned out better.

In one of the random codex things you can find scattered throughout the game one was titled "Sexuality in Thedas". This one of the few codex entries I actually read read and I was saddened to see how well it reflects a common misconception: Sexuality is Separate from Procreation. One is just a taste, for fun or preference and the other a duty. ...See this is why you get plagues and blights Thedas. Seriously...sex...makes...babies. Fact of life. And it's not terrible. Also marriage not terrible.

Sooo...now for religion stuff. There's a LOT of it in this one. This is one of the few games that lets you play as a religious character without it coming off as too pandering or negative. I've gotten to a point in the game where it was revealed how the Inquisitor got the "mark". Throughout the beginning of the game, lots of people seem to believe it was a gift from God (I hate that they call him the Maker. Blegh...so generic.) or the religious prominent prophet. But surprise, surprise, the Mark is from a happy accident. Well, not that happy. This throws some characters into a situation where they could think "Wow...I've been LYING to people saying I got this mark from Andraste."

But they have SMART religious characters. If you have Faith you can believe that God works in the world and allowed it to happen. If you don't, nothing changes. Religion and Faith are themes I feel are handled well in this series. They do a good job humanizing characters even "religious" ones.

The main "church" of the world isn't the only one on the chopping block either. My main play through is with an Elf character who comes from a background that has a completely different belief system. (Which was uncomfortable for her to be called chosen by the main religion's prophet.) But there was a big twist (which I won't reveal) about one of the Elven gods.

Reforming the main Church was also a big thing. The player gets to "choose" or "influence the clerics" on who to choose for the next Divine. This particular Church comes off as a bit more political than spiritual but that would make the game less fun not to choose the next leader of the main faith of the world. (Although personally, I'd probably be part of the Black Chantry that's lead by a male Divine...just sayin'.)

The role of this Chantry is also pretty well...earth centric. It has the common criticism of building elaborate cathedrals and dresses instead of feeding the poor. Huh...where have I heard this criticism before? Sounds so familiar! -__-

Anyway, I'm very, very close to finishing my first play through of the game. :D

God's Box

Usually I'm not that inspired to write about something that is purely Catholic spiritual and then publish it, but today is different. While browsing my deviantart messages I noticed a snippet of someone's journal. The artist was describing why he was doing a somewhat controversial photoshoot of attractive, scantily clad men around religious icons, mostly having to do with the Crucifixion. The subject matter had to do a bit with the artists faith and his own struggles as a homosexual man.

However, the subject matter of the photo shoot was not what sparked my interest, it was a sentence (which I will paraphrase) that caught my attention and made me feel a strong opinion.
The phrase was: "Whether in a Church, mosque or synagog, no matter how beautiful the interior may be, I never understood why God should be trapped in a box."

Part of the idea I totally agree with. God should not ONLY BE within a church building. He must be out in the world among us all and within us. Like the kid's song, "This little light of mine" we should be Christ's light to the world shining on the hill, not under a bush.

More commonly though, I think the sentiment comes from a place where a person may not feel that they "need" to go to Church to pray or go to Confession when they can pray wherever. And yes, you don't need to go to a Church to talk to God. Despite it being called the House of God, that's not the only place God can be found. When first reading the words, I felt a bit upset that someone would think that a Church building was a sort of cage for God. (I'm sure that's not the intent, but that's what it came off as to me.)

I've heard it explained once or twice why a church building is so important and it's a concept I feel is being lost. The idea of a sacred space that is separated from the mundane. This is why I feel it's important to have beautiful art within a church. The Church is not like any other building. Not only is it sacred, God becomes truly present within the walls. Not that Creation is not beautiful and noble. There are places in Nature that are also sacred. These are mundane places that are uplifted.

The sacred space is not for God, it's for us. Outside the Sacred Space, we are confronted with life's mundane struggles, harsh realities, and heavy burden. With all the distractions of daily life, even prayer can be difficult and unfocused. The conversation with God is limited. Thus it's a good practice to have a little sacred space for prayer in your home/apartment. It makes it a little easier for us to meet God and find him.

Sacraments, Sacramentals, and Churches, God knows we need these physical things to know Him better. It's a bit sad to dismiss things as such.

That's all I really have to say on that for now. Like I said, a bit of a reaction. I did start brainstorming the game idea. It's going to be tougher than I thought.

Doxacon: Christian Geek Convention!!

Doxacon
So check this noise out, there's a sci-fi fantasy con in Springfield, VA July 19-21. OH should mention that it's also a faith based convention!

As Liz Lemon would say: I want to go to there.

Introversion, Catholics and St. Joseph

This past Sunday, I had a mini-crisis of faith. I judged myself harshly and thought that God was probably angry at me.

I consider myself well educated in my faith and I continue to study, learn and grow. However, I know I can be wrong very often because organizing my thoughts takes a good deal of time and I want to look up teachings to be sure I'm not preaching heresy. 

On Sunday, we had a gathering of many small Christian groups for a brunch and reflection. The food was great but I sat near people that were familiar to me. We ate, socialized and then started the meeting. We broke off into groups where we were forced to sit with people that were not from our group. Naturally, this breaking out of the comfort zone was uncomfortable. We re-read the gospel reading where Jesus' command was to love others as He loves us. 

There were two reflection questions that we were discuss:

1) How does God relate His love to You? And how do you Relate that love to others.

2) Who demonstrates this love of God to you?

The first question really gave me a start and I started to think very hard. My thought process was: 

What did this question even mean? What is it really asking? Do I talk about what God has done for me or about his presence? This is kind of a personal question. Sometimes I'm an irrational being that believes God DOESN'T love me. (like I said, irrational...and even in my irrational thought I'm aware I'm being irrational. It just can't be stopped.) Is this about feelings? I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS QUESTION!!! 

All the while other people in my small group are talking. An outgoing, chatty young woman answered almost immediately, while I was still mulling the question in my head. She began speaking on how much she felt God's love through the Eucharist and the self-sacrifice which she tried to show others. Which affected my thought flow.

Thought flow: Sacraments, why didn't I think of that? Duh, this should be an easy question to answer if these individuals are so quick to answer. It's so obvious to them! Why is this so difficult for me? I've studied my faith for years and I pray to God constantly. By the way God, this question is really confusing. I know there's not an obvious right/wrong answer but I'm feeling under pressure here. 

More people talk and share how they volunteer and share God's good news with others. How they work with their family and children who have bi-polar problems. (The day before I partook in a chaplet of Divine Mercy on the radio where intentions were offered for a woman with bi-polar and other mental problems.) Now the social pressure is mounting. Part of me felt like I had to show that I was JUST as Catholic as these folks. Except I don't have a family of my own and my relatives live thousands of miles away. I also don't volunteer because I don't have the time in my situation. (Single, live alone, supporting myself in a competitive industry limits my volunteer time to weekends only or some evenings.) So now I'm starting feel like an inadequate Catholic because I don't volunteer, I don't go to CRHP retreats (I did once, but it only convinced me never to go on a group retreat again), I don't go to daily mass or participate in many ministries (due to me living 20 minutes from my Church on a day with no traffic), I don't teach, etc. My mind was directed on what I DO NOT DO. (Which was also a trap I fell into when Unemployed.) 

Eventually I was given a chance to speak. My mind was already a torrent of social inadequacy and still trying to figure out how I show God's love and how He shows His love for me. 

"I...I have to admit I have a hard time putting thoughts to words. Especially about something like this."

I got some encouraging coos and a few prompts to open up, but I ended up diverting the topic to the next question. Almost immediately after I had said these words, my little self-esteem demon started accusing me. "How could you not answer this question? It's so obvious! It's so obvious God loves you! He's shown you countless times and now that you're asked to share with people of your OWN FAITH you can't! What kind of Catholic are you? How are you helping the Church at all? You're so selfish!"

The second answer was simpler for me. Everyone said "My mother, mother's are naturally self-sacrificing." It was here I proudly brought up my Father who not only taught me my faith but lived it. He knew he wanted to help people with his job. He became a doctor over a priest. He worked LONG hours, gave some of his time to a charity clinic, still had time and patience for us. Never complained. Never raised his voice to us. Took good care of his mother when she was in her last years (she passed away this past March.) I found myself kind of rambling on and on about my father's virtues.

Someone complimented about how articulate I was. 

For a moment there I kind of realized that perhaps because of how I worded my previous answer, they thought I was slow or handicapped somehow. 

After the whole meeting, I went home feeling incredibly guilty and inadequate as a Catholic. I couldn't preach a gospel and I didn't work with social justice even though I know its good. Even my former comfort of BEING and not DOING wasn't helping. What I do flows from who I be. All I could see was me being selfish with the love God gave me. 

The question haunted me for a few days. Only today as I began writing this have I come to realize what ACTUALLY happened was not a weakness of faith or even what God commands. So powerful was this shame (because this is not the first time it has happened). Every time I'm put on the spot to share what I believe, I choke up and end up blurting out something to to get it off me. 

Today, while browsing facebook there was some article posted about introverts. It reminded me of the YouTube video of QUIET based on the book by Susan Cain. Which I rewatched and that lead me to read a few more articles on introverts in Church. 

I've known for a long time that I am an introvert, but it still surprises me when these Church things come up and end up hurting my faith instead of building it up...you know like how Church is supposed to. It took me 2 days thinking about that question to really come up with an answer. 

I talk to God in prayer all the time. Good, bad, mundane, or exciting, we're talking. Of course I also take time at the end of every day for formal prayer time before bed and read some Scripture. I've been doing this prayer time since I was a child. As for how I show this love, I pray for others (the ministry I am involved in prays the rosary at funeral wakes), with others and reflect. I am a person of prayer, mostly contemplative prayer and sometimes randomly bursting into song. I took time to think of quiet Saints like today's feast of St. Joseph!! 

Here is a saint that doesn't say a word in Scripture. I don't think volunteering was a thing back in the day, nor was sharing the Gospel (at least not in the evangelical sense). He worked to support his family, followed the laws of his faith, obeyed God even when it was hard. 

Also thought about St. Terese the Little Flower and St. Monica. All were contemplative. (And focused on helping their families and immediate neighbors.)

So there is stock in understanding one's personality traits. It's not that I'm stupid or lazy, but I'm working against my very nature. Many introverts struggle with this problem and being called to Evangelize terrifies the Holy Ghost out of me. (Sometimes I think I'm clever...:B) 

Anyway, this was definitely a more personal post, but there is some stock I think in understanding introverts in an extrovert culture. I'm definitely going to look into it deeper. 

NCLB: New Perspective

Apologies for the long delay between topics here. I have several that are partially written or outlined but I still need to do my research and/or find examples.

Over the holiday week, (that's U.S. Thanksgiving) I spent some time with my Dad and brother talking about society overall and our various insights on culture. It gave me a bit of perspective on how people view things, argue, and why there is such a need for No Catholic Left Behind that I had never considered.

For a refresher, No Catholic Left Behind or NCLB is my term for programs or items made for adult Catholics with only a child's understanding of the faith. I often express frustration at the presentation of such media that often falls short. However like I mentioned before I learned something interesting during our discussion on why the world is full of great evil but it is so very subtle.

I can not recall where the conversation started, I came in late. Things started with a discussion on the dehumanizing of people in general and its effect on Vatican II. My dad grew up in the 50s and 60s. He recalled that although he went to Catholic school, they real did not really teach religion class. In part thanks to the misunderstanding of the changes that Vatican II brought the new sense that religion is just about a personal relationship with God. Also the cultures "I'm okay, You're okay" mentality played a part of being quiet about your religion. My dad did not have a class on the Sacraments let alone other Church related matters. This lead to a whole generation of Catholics that after Confirmation only had a 5th or 6th grader's understanding of their faith. Which meant they were completely unprepared for that first testing university professor who would question their faith.

Now those youth are parents. And like their parents before them expected Catholic schools to teach the Catholic faith. Especially if the school is connected to a parish. Fortunately, schools are more thorough about teaching more of the faith and Youth Groups do well to keep the faith active in preparation for that first big test. However, many of my peers still have only a middle school level understanding, they were just uninterested in their faith because their parents were uninterested. The wheel turns and a cycle of lukewarm Catholics continues.

But this is where NCLB groups, classes and retreats are popular. The lowest common denominator Catholic is one with only a rudimentary study of the faith coupled with the lack of good parental examples. Catholicism is a faith of Tradition and passing on the Tradition is growing ever more important. Again, I see myself as fortunate. Had my father not been involved in the Charismatic Renewal and just been a stubborn, obedient Catholic I do not think I would have received such a good Catholic Education from him.

There is an importance in setting a family value to Tradition and the teaching of said Traditions. A family should be actively involved in teaching Traditions and teach by example. Schools continue to offer their support in teaching the things that perhaps the parents can not cover because they are not Bible Scholars or experts on Doctrine.

As our conversation went on we talked about how important the Catholic Church is in these current times. It is steadfast in a world of violent change, loose morals, and relativism. It remains as it has for generations a lighthouse in a turbulent ocean of trouble. It has its failings and history, but it cares to preserve that and remember it. It preserves ancient Traditions and will not change its foundations based on popular opinion at the time.

There were many topics we discussed that I hold in my heart but I can not clearly express here. I have not yet found the right words or context for it. There isn't much I can add about games this week but I do have a big topic that is somewhat related to something we talked about. So get ready because I'm going to drop a bomb on Games and Gay Marriage next time.

Peace be with you and also with your spirit. (New Roman Missal time!)
Also, Happy Church New Year. :) It's Advent.

The Church in Games

Intro
The Church's representation in modern media is a fickle thing. But it's also everyone's favorite scapegoat for a corrupt world power, old-fuddy-duddy traditionalists OR conspiracy.
As a Catholic you have to accept and follow this rather unpopular religious system and its rather colorful history. For some fun I found a few examples.

Assassin's Creed (Brotherhood)- Alternative History Sorta
I played this game 2 hours as a rental. I liked the setting (I LOVE ITALY!!), I liked the characters, I liked the voice acting, and I really liked the gameplay. (The Prince of Persia style building climbs and such.) And I liked some of the story, like the concept of the memories and the chair thing. But I could not keep playing because the Church and Templars were the villains. And not very well developed villains either. Their motivation was to control the free-will of mankind. Even for a villain that just doesn't seem like a good motive and smacks of fanatic conspiracy theory. Or the TV Trope Conspiracy Kitchen Sink.

All in all it reflects the Church in a very negative light in its alternate history storyline. Part of it historically true, we has some really terrible Popes in those days that had a LOT more political influence than religious. (Thus a LARGE number of Saints were alive in these times. They were seriously needed.)

Tales of Symphonia - Anime Church
Set in the fantasy world, with Angels and Popes. Wait, Popes? Really. Okay so this is a fantasy church with some very heavy and obvious influences of Catholic Clergy. This story also casts the Church as "the bad guys" since the angels are "bad guys".
All in all it falls into the TV Trope: Anime Catholicism.

Dragon Age Series - Obvious Church Influence
There are many reasons why I fan-heart this game series so much. The writing and world building are done very well in my opinion. Not perfect and heavily influenced, but well it is influenced by some of my favorite things. And I really appreciate that their "church" or chantry is not cast as the evil villains. Nothing is so black and white or decided for you. There are people in the chantry that are corrupt and do bad things. At the same time there are good, faithful people doing good things.

One of my favorite characters as a religious type character is Sebastien from Dragon Age 2. While his romance dialog kind of sucks his banter is interesting. He's not terribly preachy...not more than anyone else in the game.  

It is still a fantasy religion and a fantasy church but the influence is incredibly Catholic all the way to having a schism with two Popes.Well, the only big difference is the sex of the clergy, but fantasy world. The story managed to immerse me enough and NOT insult my professed religion to allow me to explore it further.

Conclusion
Dealing with a religion in your narrative or game can bring depth. Like most double edge swords, it can cut off a portion of the potential audience. For me the first two examples, it was singling out a single religion and drenching it with negative conspiracies. The Catholic Church is the most visually present and obvious Christian Church to poke at. We are very distinct in our outward symbols and many are familiar with the Church's bloody, fallen history. So, it's low hanging fruit for conspiracy theorists, negative narratives or even villainy.

I could get through Tales because it was Anime Church and so much of it was 'wrong' that I could pass it off as a fantasy church. But I couldn't sit through another conspiracy drama involving a corrupt church and templars in Assassins Creed (especially after playing a LOT of Dragon Age. I'm so sick of Templars.). Despite the fact I REALLY loved the gameplay and some of the funny DNA memories, I can't get into the story in the same way I can't get into the Da Vinci Code.