Doxacon: Christian Geek Convention!!

Doxacon
So check this noise out, there's a sci-fi fantasy con in Springfield, VA July 19-21. OH should mention that it's also a faith based convention!

As Liz Lemon would say: I want to go to there.

Is This Real Life?

As someone who spends a lot of time in her head, fantasy is familiar to me. There is both safety and danger in this realm. Today I'm going to write about something that sometimes I struggle with. This is definitely going to be difficult to write.

Fantasy as an Escape

When I was in high school, our health book had a section on psychological well being. One page listed out, with short blurbs, various coping mechanisms people use to deal with a negative experience. The one I remember most vividly was "escapism" which was described as someone who retreats into their head and daydreams. (I'm heavily paraphrasing here but that's how I remember it.) Reading this in high school, I felt angry that such a thing was considered a negative coping mechanism. The book favored proactive and positive reactions which for a shy introvert is incredibly difficult if not more psychologically damaging.

Now full blown escapism is definitely dangerous. It avoids the problem or ignores it or becomes a delusion. As a victim of bullying, fantasy can be a safe haven because in your fantasy world YOU are in control. Control of the situation makes it appealing and empowering, since in reality bullies take your power away.

Pretty much all geek activity offers some sort of escape from reality. At a convention, you can dress up as a favorite character and not receive strange looks. Playing in a LARP or D&D session or an MMORPG, places you in a different world unlike our own where you can be anything, but you. (Not that there's anything inherently wrong with any of these activities! I don't claim everyone uses these as an escape, I'm just trying to make a point.)

Fantasy can be constructing a safe-place to go to for your mind if you are dealing with trauma or even abuse. It's also a safe-place to go if you are often rejected by peers, social groups etc. It allows your mind to stop thinking about the rejection and simulates acceptance. Such a thing can often lead to disappointment in reality and a preference to the fantasy. It helps avoid the problem.

Fantasy as Distraction

Blaise Pascal in his Pensees often talks of Diversions and Man's condition.

171. Misery. -- The only thing which consoles us for our miseries is diversion, and yet this is the greatest of our miseries. For it is this which principally hinders us from reflecting upon ourselves and which makes us insensibly ruin ourselves. Without this we should be in a state of weariness, and this weariness would spur us to seek a more solid means of escaping from it. But diversion amuses us, and leads us unconsciously to death.

Diversion sounds pretty grim but at the same time an almost necessary thing. To alleviate man's inevitable misery, distraction feels necessary. So long as the distraction does not last forever, it can be a good thing. Dwelling on a problem or negative emotion can be harmful. It can hinder recovery. At the same time, ignoring the feeling can cause festering.

Humans are not meant to be happy 24/7. Culturally this is what is expected. We MUST be happy all the time, nothing should be wrong with us. "How are you?" "Good." Anything that is not a positive response is met with surprise. Misery is normal, but it is often treated as abnormal. Feeling bad feels is actually good. I know for me personally when feeling low, I can step outside my "feels" and say "I know this sucks but at the same time it's not bad. It hurts but it's okay to hurt." It's part of being refined by fire and this gives me hope.

Emotional diversion is one thing but there's also the risk of distraction from responsibilities. For instance, instead of doing homework or housework, I might distract myself with playing a game. In my case I usually distract myself from sleeping by my over active imagination.

At the same time, periods of rest for the brain are good. Studying or physical labor drain us and entertainment is necessary.

Fantasy as Pleasure

There is a great deal of enjoyment to be harvested from fantasy. Thus the desire to spend much time devoted to it. As with all pleasure in life, moderation is required. It's a terribly overused mantra but still quite necessary: Everything is good in moderation. However, it is our sinful nature that makes reigning in our desires difficult and we might fail. That's okay too, God is forgiving AND understanding.

It is not good to go into extremes and condemn pleasure as evil outright. And although it feels like I've been condemning fantasy in this post, I'm really not trying to. It seems obvious (at least to me) that like anything that is pleasurable has a time and place.

Most of my favorite writers USE fantasy and it's pleasure to teach bitter lessons. C.S. Lewis and his Chronicles of Narnia was in a way an escape for the young children in war-torn England. Fantasy is kind of old hat when moral lessons are involved.

Reality

 Part of why living in your own fantasy is potentially harmful is that it can cause a dissatisfaction with the current state of a person's life. It in a way rejects the  amazing world which God made and makes us a little god in a world which we create. It will be in all ways inferior to reality. It can pull us away from the present moment in which we have to live.

However, because of the fall and sin, the world can be dark, scary and plain unpleasant. This is not part of the plan. There is something in human nature that desires a world without the darkness and unpleasantness. We want an Elysium and we can make something like that in our minds. There is a real reality that makes our own world like passing shadows. (I'm thinking of C.S. Lewis' "The Great Divorce" right now.)

In our current culture it seems that there is perhaps a desire for adventure, to prove our worth, test our mettle physically but there are only a few ways to do that. Joining the Army (which not everyone can do), going on an adventurous vacation (which not everyone can afford), or "playing pretend" (which can feel pretty childish) seem to be the only ways which this desire can manifest.

I recently watched a vlog about "synthetic relationships" and how it has been affecting Japan. I'll link it here but heavy warning that there are some mildly explicit imagery (to prove his point, he does put up a warning) so it's not necessarily safe for work, but it does illustrate perfectly the dangers that can face society when a fantasy is preferred to reality: Game Exchange: Dating Sims and Synthetic Relationships.

Conclusion

This topic comes up to me as something I usually get defensive about. I fall into fantasy way more than I care to admit, but whenever I do I have this nagging voice telling me that I'm just playing pretend. But the good thing it does is lead me to question: What am I trying to avoid? Why do I like this? Is it good? Is this something that makes me ill-prepared to deal with life's real problems?

I like fantasy. It's a fun diversion, but I can't live in a bubble world. My goodness this makes me think of an Eiffel65 song: Bubble World. Definitely sums up what I want to say with auto-tune. Ha ha!

Gaming Responsibly

This was an entry I made for another blog a couple years ago that I'm reposting here because it fits and it's a good thought bubble:

Part of our human nature is to tell stories. We regale our friends with events of the past in a perhaps more fabricated way. With gaming becoming more socially acceptable, stories about exploits within a game can come up as topics of conversation.

You won't believe what I did last night

Personally, I've noticed that whenever I tell a friend about something that happened in a game play session, I tend to say "I" did something. I defeated the archdemon and I caught a unicorn. And I'm not alone in this. I do remember distinctly when Fable 2 released that my friends proudly proclaimed that they got an STD.

I don't generally think that people boast about their genital warts. (At least not in the social circles I hang out in.) The fact of the matter remains that no, I actually did not go out last night and kill an archdemon nor did I drive down to Mexico to lasso a unicorn. However, the mode of telling the in-game events comes across as reality, which can be quite humorous on one hand but offensive on the other. For example, some of the guys I once worked with regaled some of the violent sex crimes they wanted to perform in a game. However, they used the terminology of "I want to bash her head through a wall." Disturbing, no?

It just comes so naturally to us when we talk about what happened within a game. Really all I did last night was press buttons in a sequence and move a joystick. I didn't exert myself. Sometimes I catch myself before I say "I did this in my game" and try to frame it as "my character did this in my game." Particularly when retelling in game events to a non-game playing friend.

With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility

I understand saying that "I beat the last level" or "I won the Halo tournament". That is something that the game player does take responsibility for: their performance.

But do we also feel subconsciously responsible for character actions within a game?

When we say "I", that means we claimed some kind of ownership over the performed action even though we did not physically perform that action. Because I don't think any of us physically harvest a field in Farmville.

Is it because visually, we see results of our button pressing that we feel some ownership? Because we "made" or "forced" a character to act?

Perhaps it is different for other players but I feel no twinge of regret shooting and killing a stranger in Halo. However in reality I know I could never bring myself to shoot a person in real life.

Yet in other games where I have a choice about how to respond in a conversation, I wrestle with how I should respond because I don't want to hurt their "feelings". 

Conclusion

In the end I don't think there is a solid answer to my pondering. How responsible am I for a character's in game actions? Do I really claim ownership over slaughtering a horde of undead or have I really only triggered the programming to display video?

I suppose it's up to individual conscience how they deal with this question.

Or perhaps we should consider the way we retell our in game achievements.

A Conflict of Interests

I was going to (and still will) post a personal whiny blog post about my personal struggle to find others who both share my faith and share my passion/hobby. 
Of course with the internet, it's kind of easy to find such people. I've linked a new website I stumbled upon http://catholicgamer.com  (I guess I can't buy that domain name.). The blogs are definitely better written than mine and there are some very cool game suggestions for my fellow Catholic gamers. 

Polarized Opposites

So, I enjoy geeky things. I like going to conventions. I'm getting more and more interested in cosplay. I play video games and make them in my spare time. I draw my own web-comic. I could prattle on about Narnia and Lord of the Rings and Dragon Age for hours if given the chance. 
And most of all I love sharing and participating in group geek activities. However, I always felt that there was a part of me that was not always accepted. I'm Catholic and a pretty orthodox one at that. I love my faith as much or more than my hobbies. 

It's not really something that I will bring up at a convention. I am not out to evangelize when I attend conventions or participate in my hobbies. That would be something that would almost immediately get me "kicked out of the club". I don't preach on soap boxes, because that's not my style. However, I feel very lonely on a Sunday during a convention weekend as I go to Mass without friends. 

However, on the flip side when  hanging out with my Catholic female friends, we can talk all about the Church and relationships and gossip for hours. One is sort of an anime fan and one sometimes plays games with her husband. 

To have all parts of our person accepted by a group of friends can be tough when one's interests are niche or appeal more to men. 

Why the Two Sides?

I've written before about some of the possible reasons for anti-Christian attitudes in geek culture. Now I'd like to explore the other side of the coin. What is it about Catholicism or Christianity that doesn't like geek culture. 
1.) I find that the Catholic Church is notoriously slow with adapting to much of the newer technology of our every day life. This starts to cripple the Church in evangelization and education.  Hopefully, the New Evangelization will help in these efforts.

2.) Geek culture openly rejects religions and the Church will not force itself where it is not welcomed culturally. That is to say if no one is receptive we "shake the dust of the town from our sandels and move on."  

3.) Lots and Lots of rampant sin or methods of weakening the will can be found in geek culture. From pin-up comic girls to violence to hentai, there is plenty that the Church and good Christians should turn away from. To be honest a large chunk of geek culture is focused on sin. It glorifies lust, revenge, and unhealthy obsession. 

Popularity Contest Loser

As with any hobby there is potential for great good and great evil. At the same time, the heart of Christianity is not to be the most popular religion on the planet. The scope of eternity matters to the Christian faith and our own relationship with God. We are called to live life in holiness which means to be "set apart". 
Geek culture and gaming have helped me better understand who I am, to love myself and actually draw closer to Jesus. This is why at least for myself I can reconcile this apparent paradox of interests. 

Growing up, I went to a Catholic middle school. I was unfortunately stuck with a rather rotten bunch of classmates. I was teased, shunned and well, generally I was odd. Slow to mature physically and socially, I was at a disadvantage. I was very artistic, very interested in my own religion (which some Catholic students were not, surprise surprise) and interested in odd things...like science. The internet was one of the first places that taught me that I was not alone in my interests.

So you could say, in a sense, that my enjoyment of geek culture is because like most geeks I was "bullied". I felt accepted for the most part...except that one obnoxiously obvious religious part of me. But I was more accepted in Geek culture than in any Catholic Youth Group. 

And that's all I'm going to write about that. This was helpful to me at least and hopefully to someone else. I know I'm not alone in this paradox, but geez oh pete why are we so darn quiet? 

Anti-Christian Gamers

In online communities and even live events, there is a definite atmosphere that seems unfriendly to a Christian believer. Granted, there are many good and moral Christian gamers, but they are not very apparent within Geek or Gamer culture. This post will be mostly based on personal observation and a few hypothesis on the subject.
So I will start with the apparent "feeling" is towards a Christian gamer/geek.

Assumptions about Christianity
In an online discussion or online in general there seems to be a misconception of what a Christian is and what it means to follow Christianity. This is an overall cultural problem but it feels like everything gets emphasized in geek culture.
To me in conversation where a moral ethic was being debated it seemed to me that people reacted to the "I'm Christian" statement thusly:

- Christians are Puritans that don't like having fun and kill witches (aka were bullies)
- Christians impose their beliefs on others and damn those who don't follow them
- Christianity's a corrupt, human made religion
- Lots of Christians do terrible things
- Jack Chick Comics (Jack Chick supports a very extremist view and has made comics about D&D and other pop culture "evils". The extreme it takes and its assumptions kind of make it humorous but on the other hand it's also a bit frightening that there is a following. He's also very anti-Catholic.)

Christianity is probably the most proclaimed religion in the United States. However, it is well known that few Christians actually follow Christ. Many "former Christians" have seen or experienced major hypocrites and being hypocritical is just the worst thing you could possibly be. (I'm being over dramatic for effect.) Oh but if you're Catholic...

Catholicism's Bad Name
Being a minority in the U.S., Catholics often seem to have a bit of Puritan influence from Christian neighbors and American culture. There was a generation of very poorly educated Catholics and we are still recovering from that. However on top of that the following things also make Catholics very unpopular in geek culture...
- Pedophile Priests: This event was (by aide of the devil) blown out of proportion. Because our culture is so sexualized that the thought of living a celibate life seems like a punishment. However, it is completely possible. Granted it was a terrible, terrible situation and sweeping things under a rug was bad. Still, it's one of the easier targets to poke fun at.
- Conspiracy: There is a lot of mistrust in this ancient organization. There is a lot of mystery surrounding it and plenty of rumors or legends. Thanks in part to media popular in geek culture it's almost more accepted that the Church is hiding some dark truth and really only has ulterior motives. (Again also fed by the poor reaction to the stray priests).
- Weird Doctrine: Much of our doctrine and practices baffles outsiders. In fact much of it even baffles its own followers. As such it becomes difficult to properly defend a belief or offer a satisfying counter-argument. It also doesn't help that much of the doctrine seems to condemn popular culture's favorite pastimes.

These are just a smattering of ideas and some of these things are not exclusive to Catholics or Christians. Many people make poor judgement of others based on things like a person's sex, ethnicity, or which sport team they support. 

Dealing with Backlash
As a social creature, it is quite possible that we will talk with one another and try to bond. Dealing with a particularly acidic remark must be dealt with in a Christian way so:
- Don't be a dick. I'm sure there's a nicer way to say this but it gets my point across. Don't become like the person who attacked you.
- Study your own faith, question it a bit. If you know the popular arguments against one of your tenants of faith, go back and see if there is a particular document, dogma or Scripture passage against that. Personally I ALWAYS run into trouble dealing with arguments for gay marriage so I constantly go to experts of my faith. There is no shame in sitting on someone's shoulders to get a clearer look at an issue. However, it may not be a good idea to throw these resources at your attacker, it is most likely they already don't agree and it won't change their mind. (You first have to change their heart and only God can do that.)
- Pray about it: You have the advantage of a loving God to talk to. And a myriad of Saints to turn to for intercessions.


Christian Geek, Don't feel Ashamed
Geek culture is largely made up of people who were marginalized in the past. Somehow this has made them very quick to marginalize others as well. It can be a poisonous community of internalized shame to be shared with others. Whenever cornered they want to lash out because they know what its like to feel powerless and its their mind/imagination/intellect that gives them power. In a word only forum of discussion, they have power.

Some other things to keep in mind are:
- Jesus said following him wouldn't make you popular. It kind of paints a BIG target right at you full of history. However our faith isn't about being POPULAR, it's about following Christ. Even if it is the most popular religion in the world, following Christ is still not super popular. Because following Christ means following the Commandments, OBEYING authority, SUBMITTING to God (islam), and dying to self EVERY DAY.

- Atheists are moral people too. In fact some of them follow the LAW in their hearts better than Christians. I had a friend who was agnostic tell me once that she did not like the idea of heaven as a reward for being good. Being good should be its own reward.
It was a view I could certainly respect. But I knew that I myself am a very weak human and I really LIKE the idea of someday getting a prize. (I'm kind of a child that way.) However even St. Paul frames the idea of winning the race for a crown (of thorns).
Atheists and Agnostics are not inherently evil OR wrong.

Conclusion
If you announce your faith in an argument, remember that your faith itself really is not a way to win that argument. (Also most arguments can not be won. Especially online arguments.) Remember if you do proclaim your Christianity your words and "actions" (as if there were actions online...well I guess in online gaming...) will cast a reflection of your faith. Christianity is a community and not just a personalized religion.
Also there is no shame in leaving a community if you feel the atmosphere is poisonous. Nurturing your faith and your relationship with God is far more important than gossiping about the latest trend in video games or comics.

Also, I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend reading C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity.

Peace and have a Happy New Year. (Yes, both Holy Days of Obligation fall on Sunday this year. XD NICE.)

Sharing a Link

I had wanted to write about this but this gentleman's words are much more eloquent than mine:
Dr. Nerdlove's Nerds and Male Privilege

I'll have another article about geek culture next time.